伍迪艾伦经典搞笑名言

　　以下是天才伍迪艾伦的25句中英搞笑 名言 ..希望大家喜欢!..

　　woody allen quotes

　　1. harvard makes mistakes too, you know. kissinger taught there.

　　2. he was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an armenian.

　　3. as the poet said, ‘only god can make a tree,’ probably because it’s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

　　4. i am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

　　5. i am not afraid of death, i just don’t want to be there when it happens.

　　6. i believe there is something out there watching us. unfortunately, it’s the government.

　　7. i don’t have to ‘freedom-kiss’ my wife when what i really want to do is french-kiss her.

　　8. i don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. i want to achieve it through not dying.

　　9. i have bad reflexes. i was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

　　10. i took a speed-reading course and read war and peace in twenty minutes. it involves russia

　　11. i was nauseous and tingly all over. i was either in love or i had smallpox.

　　12. i’d call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

　　13. i’m astounded by people who want to ‘know’ the universe when it’s hard enough to find your way around chinatown.

　　14. i’m such a good lover because i practice a lot on my own.

　　15. i’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. my grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.

　　16. if my films make one more person miserable, i’ll feel i have done my job.

　　17. in beverly hills… they don’t throw their garbage away. they make it into television shows.

　　18. life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it’s all over much too soon.

　　19. most of the time i don’t have much fun. the rest of the time i don’t have any fun at all.

　　20. my one regret in life is that i am not someone else.

　　21. some guy hit my fender, and i told him, ‘be fruitful and multiply,’ but not in those words.

　　22. there are worse things in life than death. have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?

　　23. what if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? in that case, i definitely overpaid for my carpet.

　　24. when i was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. they rented out my room.

　　25. you can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

　　1、哈佛也会犯错，因为基辛格在那儿教过书。

　　2、他太绝望了，为了自杀他居然要在一个美国人身边呼吸。

　　3、就像诗人说的：“唯上帝之万能，得以创造树木”，可能是因为实在很难想出来怎么给树穿上树皮。

　　4、我感谢大笑，除了牛奶从我鼻子里喷出来的时候。

　　5、我不怕死，只是我不想在它发生的时候呆在那儿。

　　6、我相信在某个不为人知的地方，有个东西盯着我们。不幸的是，是政府。

　　7、我不必在想舌吻老婆的时候，来个 “自由之吻”（似乎是：反对法国因此把所有french 改成freedom）